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If you can't get your work done in
the first 24 hours, work nights.
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A pat on the back is only a few
centimeters from a kick in the butt.
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Don't be irreplaceable. If you
can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
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It doesn't matter what you do, it
only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
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After any salary raise, you will have
less money at the end of the month than you did before.
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The more crap you put up with, the
more crap you are going to get.
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You can go anywhere you want if you
look serious and carry a clipboard.
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Eat one live toad the first thing in
the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
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When the bosses talk about improving
productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
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If at first you don't succeed, try
again. Then quit. No use being a dang fool about it.
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There will always be beer cans
rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the
office.
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Keep your boss' boss of your boss'
back.
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Everything can be filed under
"miscellaneous."
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Never delay the ending of a meeting
or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
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To err is human, to forgive is not
our policy.
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Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
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Important letters that contain no
errors will develop errors in the mail.
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If you are good, you will be assigned
all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
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You are always doing something
marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
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People who go to conferences are the
ones who shouldn't.
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If it wasn't for the last minute,
nothing would get done.
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At work, the authority of a person is
inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
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When you don't know what to do, walk
fast and look worried.
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Following the rules will not get the
job done.
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Getting the job done is no excuse for
not following the rules.
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When confronted by a difficult
problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question,
"How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
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No matter how much you do, you never
do enough.
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The last person that quit or was
fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
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