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Reasons Why Star Wars Is Better
Than Titanic
 | Titanic's big, but it doesn't have
hyperdrive.
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| Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure
potential.
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| Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out
of the water.
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| Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom
fighter and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
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| Ewoks throw better parties than either first
class or steerage.
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| When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't
say "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.
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| It would be much scarier to get chased around
the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
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| Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor
people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed
amphibians to Admiral.
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| Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT
to lose his ship.
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| We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers
at the poor and treats his fiancée like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad
guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
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| Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an
X-wing?
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| People have not lost their lives trying to
recreate scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.
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| Rose braves icy water to rescue her man.
Leia braves Jabba the Hut.
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| Two words: John Williams.
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| There are always enough escape pods in Star
Wars.
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| Do you know what the Empire does to
self-proclaimed "kings of the world?"
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| If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks
in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
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| "I'd rather be his whore than your
wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
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| Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a
wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
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| We knew the boat was gonna sink. But
who could've anticipated "Luke... I am your father."?
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| Han Solo would have missed the dang iceberg!
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| Three words: No Celine Dion.
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Write in C (sung to the tune of
"Let it Be")
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When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."
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As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."
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Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
"Write in C."
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I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly,
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
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If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
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Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC's not the answer.
Write in C.
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Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it,
Write in C.
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** Redneck Professional Engineering Exam
**
1) Calculate the
smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 lb. possum.
2) Which of the
following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
'66 Ford Fairlane
'69 Chevrolet Chevelle
'64 Pontiac GTO
3) If your uncle builds
a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car
radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4) A pulpwood cutter
has a chain saw that operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in a plot
to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average
tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Pabst Blue Ribbons will be consumed in cutting
the trees?
5) If every old
refrigerator in the state vented its charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the
decrease in the ozone layer?
6) A front porch is
constructed of 2x8 pine on 24 - inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span
is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough hewn
pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7) A man owns a house
and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5
children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?
8A) A 2 - ton pulpwood
truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph.
The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many
people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?
8B) For extra credit,
how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9) A Coal Mine operates
a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per
shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons
of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10) How many
generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of
grazing along a mountainside?
This page last updated on Wednesday, July 24, 2002 08:53 PM
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